this isn't going to be the most happy blog entry, so sorry about that... basically, college is kicking my ass. im a freshman right now, but im barely enjoying any of my classes. the art classes i should be enjoying are 3 fucking hours long. i cant sit through that! i have unmedicated adhd! all the medications ive tried either do nothing or give me extreme anxiety. its over.

and im too antisocial to enjoy the social aspects of college, either. im friends with my two roomates and one of my suitemates. and like, one other person. thats about it. how do you make friends? i dont get it. the idea of having friends is great, but the process of going out and making them is terrible. its just trying to mask my autism for days on end until i feel comfortable enough around them to stop it. and then they might decide im weird and leave. which i am.

bleh... i just needed to get this out there. will i be going back next year? who knows.